What does it mean to be a sex and happiness coach? How do you see the two being related? Can you be happy without sex and unhappy with lots of it?
I taught Tantra for almost 20 years until I realised that I was actually teaching people to be happy and sexy. I think they go hand in hand. When I speak about sex here, I mean loving sex, deeply connected sex, the kind of sex that people dream of. There is something so fulfilling in it when a person is met by another. I’m not speaking of routine sex, lots of random sex that is casual. I’m speaking about deep loving sex, even if only one encounter. Oxytocin, which is produced during loving sex, is needed and necessary to feel happy. Once produced it stays in women’s bodies for three weeks. It stays in men’s bodies for three days. That is partially why sex drives in women and men are different.
What are the main issues that you see time and time again?
People are disconnected from the proper alignment between body, mind and spirit. People are victims wanting to blame others for what is happening in their lives. People live in fear rather than in their power. People are in the dark about their sexuality and that its the source of their power. I see these issues time and again.
What are the misconceptions or issues people have around their sexuality?
People don’t know that they can be their own best lover. People don’t get the connection between power and sexuality, happiness and sexuality. When I say this, I mean loving sexuality. People do not know that they can extend their lives by being healthy and acting healthily when it comes to their sexuality. This means using discernment in choosing a partner or partners. It also means going deep. Perhaps a person cannot do this unless they have learned how to clear trauma and powerful stored emotions. That’s where studying Tantra comes in.
What are the main issues that men come to you with?
It used to be that men simply wanted more and better sex. They also wanted to know what women actually want in many ways, not only sexually. Now young men come because women have made them feel so wrong for being men that they want to figure out how to attract good, sweet women (not ball busters). The divide between women and men has grown wider.
What are the main issues that women express?
Women come to feel better and more empowered about their sexuality, to rid themselves of shame. The main issues they express have been to not feel ‘too much’ when it comes to sexual power and desire. Also, women do not want to feel ‘taken from’ by men. They feel victimised from past experiences (their own and those from history) and have a difficult time letting them go.
Tell me about Sexual Ecstasy at Any Age? Are we ageist when it comes to views and expectations around sexuality?
Sexual Ecstasy at Any Age is totally possible. People should be having good loving sex with a partner or themselves way into their older lives, well beyond what people currently believe. There have been studies in Sweden of women and men feeling happier and living longer when they have frequent loving sex. A recent study in Pub Med stated that frequent loving sex caused lengthening of the telomeres in those women who had more frequent sex. Basically, we have no idea how potent our sexual energy is and how much we need it to flourish and live long lives.
What is Radical Life Extension?
Radical Life Extension is the notion and commitment to living well beyond what everyone has done in the past; perhaps living forever. It involves living as a physically immortal person in the present. And it involves doing whatever it takes to extend one’s life, ie breaking patterns, habits and changing everything if necessary.
I’ve read that regular sex is a great protector as we age against dementia and other degenerative conditions. Is this true? Are people who have regular healthy sex actually physically and mentally healthier?
I certainly believe this to be true. Sex releases amazing chemicals into the bloodstream and the brain. Our bodies need these chemicals in order to feel good and stay physically and mentally healthy: oxytocin, endorphins, serotonin, dopamine. All these are necessary for mood, balance, aliveness, connection.
What will you be sharing at Taste of Love?
At Taste of Love I will be presenting Working with Powerful Emotions. During sex, anything can come up. The sex centre is the place that stores cellular memories of pleasure and pain. In humans the memories of pain far outweigh the memories of pleasure. For example, if I asked you to remember how many ‘A’s you got in school, you probably couldn’t. But if I asked you if you ever got a D or and F on your report card, you’d remember the exact teacher and subject. Humans have a penchant for storing trauma and pain. So, during sex, often these unremembered traumas can arise. I will present how to rid the body of pain and trauma using sexual energy to move them through and out. I will demonstrate how individuals can do this themselves if this occurs while with a partner.