Initiation Experience

Wow, what an amazing experience it was! And major transformation did happen.

This all comes on top of the fact that the place we rented, Shandalee Lake Inn was not ready for us. As a matter of fact it was downright awful. Not only was the place filthy, but the pool was in disrepair and the hot tub was only hooked up and ready to work on our third day of the five day retreat. I am a person who understands when this type of thing happens in India to be specific, but NOT IN NEW YORK STATE when the owner has given his word that the place would be ready. That's just wrong! Thank Goddess for the internet where I can post something about it and people will hear my complaint. What a truly trashy place!

Never-the-less, the course got delivered to a group of enthusiastic participants willing to let go of their attachment to the familiar to "have it all" in the unknown and work their asses off to get to that place. Brilliant work!

We had a ball laughing and crying along the way and mostly growing!

I honor all those who embarked on the journey. I invite all those who really want a shift in life to check it out by doing what it takes to qualify to get to Initiation - Bliss & Ecstasy coming your way soon.

Getting Ready for Initiation - the Mastery of Self Love

Every year just before the most advanced course I offer, people start freaking out. I think they are scared of the notion of self love! Maybe it's the responsibility of the thing. How could they possibly fall so in love with themselves, have permission to have it all? That's exactly what the course is about.

Frankly I am surprised that people aren't jumping into the course and beating down the doors. They waste so much time purchasing products to enhance their lives, "working on it" in therapy, looking for answers in every direction. This course really does empower people to leave in total love. And yet there is so much resistance. I find it so amazing.

Well I am ready none-the-less. I will take on the new group of participants joining me this coming week in the Catskills. I can hardly wait to have them transform so totally that they are unrecognizable. I know I too will transform again myself.

The butterfly leaves the cacoon once again in new form.

Who's Who in Tantra, NYC

Last night was a historical event in NYC when Charles Muir, grandfather of Western Tantra met face-to-face with Mantak Chia, Taoist sexual energy cultivator at CoSM, the home studio of Alex and Alison Grey - artists extra-ordinaire. It was a wonderful event hosted by Alan Steinfeld and Sharon Smith.

What I loved was that these two awesome men agreed about almost everything down the line. Most people love to see a fight, a face off and disagreement - competition at its best, but no conflict was to be seen at last evening's event. Their styles were extremely different, but they said the same things: cultivate your sexual energy, MEN - learn how to do it and then do it! People can learn to make love correctly and expand their capacity for pleasure leading to amazing sacred sex and connection.

Charles was often funny, very entertaining. Mantak, more serious and limited by a bit of language barrier shared Taoist practices from the moment he began speaking.

I was certainly glad I went and witnessed it all.

Did I learn a lot? No. Was I glad I went? Yes.

I loved that I saw people I haven't seen in a long time. It was a virtual who's who of Tantra - just fabulous.

In the next few days I'll try to post a photo.

Bliss & Ecstasy Beyond What I Imagined!

Wow, wow, wow!

I can barely contain myself. I don't want to anyway!

I have spent the past ten years preparing myself for the possibility of Tantric Love. Oh no, I have not consciously done this. I have simply focused on loving myself Tantrically. And, may I say, I have done a damn good job.

How do I know this?

Oh, I know:-) I am happy and full and in love at all times with myself and consequently everyone else.

Recently I have been surprised and gifted by the universe. Really surprised!

I met a REAL Tantric lover. He's not someone I am teaching or even have to teach:-) He's not like most of those guys who say they are Tantra guys either. I would not even think about being with any one of them. They seem slimy and full of shit to me. They seem like they hate women and want to put their fingers into women anyway. They seem like they have never gotten laid in high school. They seem creepy. Eeeeeooowwwwww!

But this man, he's something else! He has been doing the practices for as many as ten years. He knows Cobra Breath. He knows chanting on the body. He knows other subtle practices, some that have no name. AND he consciously practices these things. He doesn't just know them. He does them regularly preparing himself all the time. Preparing himself for the possibility of loving another. Just like me.

So we met. It was a slow start. We finally got together. We danced two or three times before we ever got naked. We sniffed each other out. We tested each other a little. We looked at the possibilities.

When we did get together we performed Tantric Union. And we blew each other away! We went to the moon and back. After a brief period of scaring each other, we continued to go to the moon. Then we visited the rest of the Cosmos and came back smiling.

And we continue to go. We perform known and unknown rituals. We spontaneously initiate each other into secret practices that come to us as we relate. We laugh and smile and laugh and smile and laugh and smile all the time. And we are totally in a state of tumescence. That means we are hot! We are so turned on and hot. We just laugh and stay hot.

All I know is that this feels so good.

This gives hope and faith to me. This gives hope and faith to him. Hopefully it give inspiration to others.

Just when you least expect it anything can happen.

DO THE PRACTICES. DO COBRA BREATH! BREATHE AND SQUEEZE. YOU'RE GONNA BREATHE ANYWAY. MIGHT AS WELL BREATHE AND SQUEEZE.

Life Keeps Getting Better

The other day while I was driving down the highway in Florida I reflected about my life and about a few lovely men i know who seem to be coming on the market again for yet another round of singleness. I thought, "Wow, I think my old age is gonna be so much fun, so interesting!"

And since I let go of my money concerns with the refunds for the India trip, I can hardly breathe what with the opportunities coming my way.

Life is so full of cosmic jokes! It seems like my real job is to distinguish these jokes and that's all.

I know one thing - I am having a lot of fun.

I pray for more and I am open for it to show up in my life along with more chocolate.

Transformation Again and Again

Well, I can't sleep so I figure this is as good a time as any to begin blogging again। I last wrote in October '07. Crazy to stay away so long. But I did not want to write. I was going through major transformation and sometimes it just ain't easy.



The India tour in November was very difficult. Some of my best friends and favorite students were with me. Hell, even my 86 year old father was with me. I had great expectations for this one. I tell ya.

And as the sages say over and over again about great expectations, they lead to great disappointment. And so it goes. Anyway, whatever could have gone wrong on a tour did beginning on day one when the wrong size bus showed up, not the one I ordered and paid for.

It was much too small for my plans. I like people to ride through their first part of India with plenty of room and comfort while they get acclimated to this very different culture. Also I like to teach on the bus and have people do everything from sharing intentions to Osho's Dynamic as we cruise along for the first 5 days. In this bus, it was just about impossible.

It did not have enough room for me to teach. It had no mic. It had no shocks. The AC system was poor. People's asses hurt. People breathed lots of pollution. People got disappointed and cranky. Eventually they got mad.

At some point I shut up and shut down. I was horrified watching their faces in such dismay. I wanted them to love India and they were hating it. I mean some amount of all this is to be expected in any third world country. Anything can go wrong and often does. But I so wasn't expecting it on my tour nor were they. After all, I had done this very same trip twice before. I know the ropes so to speak.

Ha ha, joke was on me. And not very funny. I became sullen.

Even though things improved greatly when we left the bus behind and made our way to Varanasi and Khajuraho, we never seemed to get back on the right track.

When everybody left India, I stayed on for a month. I had to get myself grounded and figure out what had taken place and why. I also felt I needed to make some repairs to the relationships after what had happened in my clearing, my space.

While receiving a deep healing massage, I got some insight into the spiritual aspects of what had happened. I saw reasoning behind the craziness. The message I received has to do with the tremendous shifts in consciousness required on the earth at the present time. I saw this group needing to go through a trauma together quickly, not one in which someone dies, but one where there is not much time for drama, just be traumatized and get over it! Prepare for something to come in our lives that we have to get through together at some later point.

Well, when I wrote that to the participants, nobody was having it!

I mean the whole reason I take people to India is to experience SURRENDER like no other place on earth that I know of can supply. That's Tantra is it not? But people had really felt so bad they just couldn't seem to focus on the spiritual aspects of our crazy time together.

So, then I woke up (with the help of one or two of them) to the notion that it was about the economics. They wanted full refunds in many cases. I have never heard of such a thing when it come to tours. As a matter of fact, I don't think any other tour leader in the world would even consider such an idea. But this was different. This was my tour and these were my friends and students. And there was out integrity on my part about what I had promised and what I delivered.

As I struggled with the idea of refunding so much money and the losses, I kept dreaming about how they capture monkeys. They put a banana in a cage that has slats big enough for the monkey to slide its hand in. Once the monkey gets his fist around the banana, it cannot get the hand out. The fist won't fit between the slats only an open hand. Of course the monkey doesn't want to let go so it gets trapped. Oh this recurring dream was driving me nuts!

So I made a decision to make large refunds. And in so doing, I got my hand out of the trap. Boy was it a painful process to let go, but in the end I am glad that I did. Now people can get over it (I hope) and they can return to seeing a spiritual lesson if they choose.

I certainly got one. Somehow abundance is now pouring into my life like never before. It's in the form of students, contracts, radio interviews, potential lovers, assistants, people signing up for courses and money.

Plus, something shifted with my father while there. He came back a much more loving and kind soul. It's like he had a frontal lobotomy. He's the only one who really loved the tour. I can't explain it. He dropped some mean thing that seemed a part of his personality and shifted into nice. Go figure. This was worth it all!

That fits into the abundance thing as well. It's what I always wanted from him - kindness, cooperation, affection more than just mouthing empty words. And so I am receiving that too.

Lately when friends have told me about how difficult it is to be with their aging parents, I've laughed and jokingly suggested they send their parents to India with me!

What transformation!

Dreams Coming True

Last weekend was the New York New Life Expo. I have participated in this event many times before, but this time was most noteworthy. The panel I participated on about Sex and Sensuality was fantastic. Such a great panel of experts (Nan Wise, Anton Diaz, Barbara Carrelles, Racheli Cherwitz and Michael Jascz) and so much fun. I appeared two other times at the show and met hundreds of people along the way.

As soon as I arrived I had the opportunity to transform myself when I discovered that my regular table had been sold to someone else. I got really hot for a few minutes and then let it go. I figured if I cannot turn on a dime, who can? After a short while it did not seem to matter at all. People found me and I saw that it made no difference. Being able to shift out of my expectations and into what is so, was so valuable.

Yesterday I led a Bliss course in NYC that was the greatest ever in my opinion. There were 28 participants coming from many different places. Some came from the New Life Expo. Some came from my collaboration with teeni dakini. Others came from One Taste and www.MySpace.com. Some came from Sexy Spirits. How cool is that? Collaborating has proved to be extremely beneficial for them and me. I'm convinced that working together and supporting each other, we can all win.

A note: Since 9/11 I have often felt it difficult to get New Yorkers to commit to workshops in advance. I've been teaching Tantra in NYC since 1999 and I noticed a marked difference in advance registrations after the tragic WTC events of 2001. So yesterday's turnout was an amazing treat especially since I did not know how many would actually turn up!

And maybe I have been reluctant to state it as such, but I really believe that being successful in NYC means the world! You remember that line from the song New York, New York - "If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere...it's up to you New York, New York. For me, it is a dream come true!