Unbreak My Heart
Funny, when we first arrived in India this time for the tour, we all heard the song Unbreak My Heart by Toni Braxton. I don’t particularly care for this song because I feels it implies the ability to heal comes from outside me, like someone should fix me in a certain way. And when people seemed to keep singing it throughout the tour I was not so happy about it. But especially when I kept singing it, when the tune stuck with me like white on rice, I was dismayed. “Unbeak my heart. Say you love me again.”
And so funny is life with quick lessons.
While in the Osho Ashram in Pune, I created a new course for couples. I like it fine. I am happy to have been so inspired by the Nadabrahma Meditation.
And most of all, I am happy to have ended this Heart of India Tour on a high note. I will not do it again. It is retired and so be it.
A couple days ago while on the Deluxe AC Sleeper bus to Goa, I had the most amazing realization. I was pleasantly surprised that the bus was totally new and clean. Plus they supplied, clean linens – pillows, sheets and blankets. And the compartment that contained Krishna and me was large enough for both of us to sleep and to keep our valuables. We slept soundly. Listen, if we wanted we could have joined the “mile low club,” but we did not. We did have enough comfort and privacy, but I did not want to. Possibly because we were both coughing from Pune pollution. But it’s good to note for the next time.
I cannot get over what difference a year or two makes in India. If you are interested to see what my first sleeper bus to Goa experience was like, please go back in the archives of this blog to laugh your ass off at the hysterical time I had then, one of my biggest lessons. It would appear here in January 2006.
So, now we are in Morjim, the most beautiful and quiet part of Goa, settled in to our “luxury” hut along with the frogs and the mosquitoes and the lovely white netting to keep us safe. We eat on the beach and lie on big lounges called “beds” and swim for hours in the Arabian Sea. The connection with my sannayasin friends, Sirus and Shantana is as strong as ever. The love between us can be felt so strongly, it’s tangible.
We celebrated Osho’s birthday with a group of people invited over to my friend’s brand new meditation and music center. We did Kundalini Meditation, listened to an Osho discourse on immortality as fate would have it and then after dinner, we were showered with live sitar, Persian strings and tabla music. Wow, paradise!
So, all this to say that on the bus, I awoke to the “a ha” that this trip has re-reminded me of how much I love India. And the result…my heart has become unbroken. So, this constant signing of a song I don’t even care for has awakened me to the fact that last year my heart was broken on the tour and for weeks after by the people’s reactions to India and me, by their sheer resistance to India and circumstances that probably could not have been avoided. Actually, the circumstances were perfect for whatever those exact people needed to get including me, but certainly not all who attended that tour have even begun to get the lesson as yet. It was a huge lesson for me in surrender and Latihan for which I am grateful and still feel the reverberations in every aspect of my life. You can read about this too in the blog January 2008.
And so returning to India this year against the back drop of the last tour, I have unbroken my heart. “…say you love me again.” I love me again and I love India again. I love me in India again. Such a gift!
And so funny is life with quick lessons.
While in the Osho Ashram in Pune, I created a new course for couples. I like it fine. I am happy to have been so inspired by the Nadabrahma Meditation.
And most of all, I am happy to have ended this Heart of India Tour on a high note. I will not do it again. It is retired and so be it.
A couple days ago while on the Deluxe AC Sleeper bus to Goa, I had the most amazing realization. I was pleasantly surprised that the bus was totally new and clean. Plus they supplied, clean linens – pillows, sheets and blankets. And the compartment that contained Krishna and me was large enough for both of us to sleep and to keep our valuables. We slept soundly. Listen, if we wanted we could have joined the “mile low club,” but we did not. We did have enough comfort and privacy, but I did not want to. Possibly because we were both coughing from Pune pollution. But it’s good to note for the next time.
I cannot get over what difference a year or two makes in India. If you are interested to see what my first sleeper bus to Goa experience was like, please go back in the archives of this blog to laugh your ass off at the hysterical time I had then, one of my biggest lessons. It would appear here in January 2006.
So, now we are in Morjim, the most beautiful and quiet part of Goa, settled in to our “luxury” hut along with the frogs and the mosquitoes and the lovely white netting to keep us safe. We eat on the beach and lie on big lounges called “beds” and swim for hours in the Arabian Sea. The connection with my sannayasin friends, Sirus and Shantana is as strong as ever. The love between us can be felt so strongly, it’s tangible.
We celebrated Osho’s birthday with a group of people invited over to my friend’s brand new meditation and music center. We did Kundalini Meditation, listened to an Osho discourse on immortality as fate would have it and then after dinner, we were showered with live sitar, Persian strings and tabla music. Wow, paradise!
So, all this to say that on the bus, I awoke to the “a ha” that this trip has re-reminded me of how much I love India. And the result…my heart has become unbroken. So, this constant signing of a song I don’t even care for has awakened me to the fact that last year my heart was broken on the tour and for weeks after by the people’s reactions to India and me, by their sheer resistance to India and circumstances that probably could not have been avoided. Actually, the circumstances were perfect for whatever those exact people needed to get including me, but certainly not all who attended that tour have even begun to get the lesson as yet. It was a huge lesson for me in surrender and Latihan for which I am grateful and still feel the reverberations in every aspect of my life. You can read about this too in the blog January 2008.
And so returning to India this year against the back drop of the last tour, I have unbroken my heart. “…say you love me again.” I love me again and I love India again. I love me in India again. Such a gift!
posted by Latihan at 5:19 AM
1 Comments:
I love this. I love the description of India, the connections of Unbreaking hearts. Whether or not we say it is from the outside that will heal.. it is, afterall, only inside of us that truly does. And,, this all fits so much. And.. I love YOU!!
thanks..
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