Thoughts On My Father - Not Pretty

I have just awakened in England with the anxiety of returning to the States and the thought that I have to go home to deal with the absolute domination of this shit head man over me. Even if he has early dimentia, he is still the arrogant prick that he has always been and more so now. He keeps making a mess of things after I bail him out over and over again. I see no end in sight.

Did I tell you that the man I met in India, the one who was going to come for the month of July and use biofeedback to restore my father will not be coming? He says he fell in love and ran off to Canada and then is going back to India. He told me a week ago after I planned July around him for the last six months. Good luck in relationship, Buddy. Breaking word in one place has huge ramifications in other places or so I'm told.

Have I shared that the loan I have applied for to help my father hasn’t gone through because it is just so difficult to prove that there is a real address on Fire Island and to ascertain the value of such a property once it is proven that there really is a house since there is no mail delivery and very few people sell so there are no comps.

I see there is no way to curb my father's arrogance. I must take the compassion I feel for him and the energy generated towards him and use it on myself. My life makes a difference in the world. His life make a sham of my life. I am setting a boundary with him. He feels to me like a vampire. Maybe this is how my mother felt in the end, that he was sucking the life out of her. Interesting thought.

The idea of going back there to him tomorrow is making me sick as I write this. When it comes down to it in the common sense, he is just a man. And as I see it, he is the original man who shit on me and he is the same man who keeps shitting on me. I almost don’t give a damn if he lives or dies anymore. I am pulling in the platter on which I catch the shit. I am walking away and he can continue to make a mess of things until I get him situated in assisted living. Then I can insure his life from as far away as possible.

Maybe my sister was right. Maybe biofeedback would not have helped our father in the long run anyway. We will not know now because I will not spend the time it would take to research and find out. I have spent all the time I am going to spend trying to help my father who does not want my help.

What I know is that I want my life back, all of it. My intention is set.

Sex & Happiness Launched in London!

Just want you all to know that there was a remarkable launch of Sex & Happiness yesterday as part of an all day Tantralink Summer Event here in London.

The event began at 10am. After a brief introduction with one or two ground rules for conduct, I led the morning with Find the Empty Space, Mirror Dance, Dance Back-to-Back followed by Osho's Gibberish, Silence and Latihan. Then I led London's first Bodyhan. After the Bodyhan, to clear everyone's energy we did Egyptian Balancing Breath and Egyptian Cleansing Breath.

After a lunch break, we came back to do some yummy massage modules led by various other participants and we all got very relaxed just before I was to offer excerpts from my book Sex & Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy .

I swear, my hair was messed up and my lipstick askew, but there I was - called into the spotlight.

The fabulous book signing was a highlight in this all day event. I read excerpts to a wonderful audience of 36 people. What a delight to be so well received. There were questions and an opportunity for me to give answers and then we had champagne. I signed a bunch of books and posed for photos with many of the individuals in attendance.

I felt so honored and so author-like.

It was great.

After the dinner break we all came back to a trance dance where there was a band improvising to the movements of the group (much like Group Motion in Philly). I danced my ass off and went home totally full and also exhausted from one of the best days of my life.

I want to take a moment to acknowledge Kavida Rei of Tantralink, London and her partner Andrew for their amazing production of the Summer Event and their love and support of me. Also I want to acknowledge Kirsty Allison of Slack Alice Films (part of our film crew from the India tour) for capturing the event on video. What a blessing.

This fall – let's do amazing book launch events in New York, DC, Philly and somewhere in South Florida – oh yeah sorry San Francisco, too! Hell why stop there? New Delhi will come next.

Love to all from London,
Laurie

Beyond Tantra

The weekend before I left for London, I went to a course in New York called the Opening Course. I was urged by one of my students to take this course to see for myself how it applies to the Butterfly work.

Well, wow another peak experience!

I participated in a wonderful daylong with Nicole Daedone of One Taste. What a great revolutionary woman! Basically she has come up with a new look at a technology originally started at More University. She has made it relevant to the new millennium and brought it into a more socially acceptable paradigm in my opinion.

She calls the basis of what she offers OM meditation. OM stands for Orgasm Meditation. In this technology women receive 15 minutes of clitoral stroking three times per day by a stroker (doesn't have to be the same person each time). Her belief is that if women are filled up with sexual energy, it will make all the difference in the world. So she has provided a way where women can get filled up in a safe and structured way. Now of course, I am oversimplifying for the purposes of whetting your appetite, but I wanted to introduce the concept to you.

I plan to participate in the New York OMing sessions as often as I can and I will do research and development so as to modify any of this that needs to be modified for the greater good. Please note that I plan to sponsor Nicole in Philly, DC and West Palm to deliver this info to all who could use a boost in their Tantric practices. I want people all to get as much from this parallel body of knowledge as possible.

Combined with Butterfly and Osho Emotional Release techniques, this could take everything to
a whole new level.

I will keep you posted on my progress and I will certainly let you know when Butterfly Workshops will make the Opening Course available in places other than SF and NY. Anyone can be a stroker by the way.

Much love,
Laurie

P.S. Did I say how clean this thing was? What a pleasure to find no slime anywhere. Not a predator in the room. Now that's something.

Initiation 2007

Well, after that last blog about the weekend spent with Charles Muir and my students Shiva O and Shiva H, so much else has happened. I must admit I was changed forever based on that powerful experience.

Recently I was in Northern California facilitating my most advanced course, Initiation – The Mastery of Self-Love. That in itself was an amazing experience. There were ten participants and three staff (including me).

The course is basically about having it all and based on four distinctions: Resistance/Satisfaction, Not Safe/Safe, No Permission/Permission and Negative Intention/Intention.

People took amazing ground in their pursuit of self-love. Each and everyone came away totally shifted into a new personal paradigm for their lives.

I think the important thing here is for me to say how it has impacted me. You can find actual testimonials on my website from people who have been in the course, but for each and everyone following my latest progress, it is important that I share for myself.

I rediscovered that introducing people to a formula for producing self-love through rigorous exercises and body work, plus taking them another step of the way towards sexual freedom releasing past shame, guilt, and societal pressure most assuredly influenced the outcomes of their intended intentions - another amazing experiment in people attaining personal power and self-definition. They now see what powerful creators they are like never before.

First of all, I made the course more juicy than ever before. While I have always had optional naked swimming in this course (and for some this has been the biggest freedom anyone could experience in life), I built in additional things this time. Since Shiva O was in attendance we offered optional OM (orgasmic meditation) sessions as part of our spa which involves clitoral stimulation for 15 minutes by a man who desires nothing in return, but simply to be in the meditation. The men in the course learned about giving to a woman with no other agenda. The women learned to just receive with no reciprocity expected, required, implied, or demanded. What freedom to experience pleasure authentically what a challenge for some. Of course it helped everyone to know that I had gone first. I like myself as a scientific laboratoryJ

With the names withheld to protect their identities, here’s what people said at the end of the course when asked, “What did you bring back from Initiation 2007?”

• A clean slate. Opening a fortune cookie, seeing no fortune there; realizing that I have the freedom to make my own fortune.
• A new life and vulnerability that deserves care from me.
• Crying, and embracing the crying.
• Emptiness. Ground zero. A new paradigm for interacting powerfully with men. An opportunity and new paradigm for intimacy with myself.
• A roller coaster of expansion/contraction, like a spring going in and out.
• New physical sensations, new interactions with my daughter.
• Realizing that the Goddess provides in abundance - all I have to do is ask and receive.
• New power and appreciation for emotional release.
• New paradigm for functioning in the world, while also taking care of myself.
• Courage to move into the unknown.
• Acceptance of myself and my own humanity.
• Calm, secure, powerful awareness of myself and my interactions with others.
• I am safe. I have boundaries that I can embrace and enforce.
• Ability to move from one space to the next big enough to do it with all of myself.
• A new aspect of my power to speak my truth, make peace with others, and walk away loving myself and them better for it.
• I found my higher place.

Now doesn’t all of this make you want to be there the next time? Hope so. When I re-read it, I am blown away. I have witnessed that in only seven days people dumped their lifetime shit and came into their power and self-love. I LOVE MY JOB!