Freud 2006

This is a funny thing as I see it being a student of psychology and all. Read on.

As you may or may not know, I live on a remote island with my father - Fire Island. During the summer the island (which is a barrier reef to the southern shore of Long Island, NY is a twitter with beach foot traffic wanting to "par-tay", get down, and get the "absolut vodka" most of the eight week NY summer season. But September through May, this is a very desolate place despite the exclusive summer beat.

So here we are, we two, non-perfect housemates - father and daughter of questionable status - arch mortal enemies and total beloveds by anyone's standards even the non-psychological naked eye. The fact is that as much as I have hated my father over the years of my growing up through my adulthood and into my middle age, I have always known too, that I love him more than any other man in my life. Fucked right?

Why am I here with him? Who else would take care of this obnoxious man's needs in the hour of his memory loss? This all powerful narcissistic man is melting into one mess of missed synapses before my very eyes. But in the process of his meltdown, this being is becoming humbler and almost human, a person for whom I have the utmost compassion much as I think that somtimes I really would like to kill him. Time and age have softened him and made it easier on me. Thank Goddess.

The other day, all of this hits me in the face while I'm in the shower. All of a sudden I start laughing out loud. I mean hysterical laughing. Big laughing. Freud would be so proud of me. He would have a picnic, eat me for lunch.

I realized I have my father to myself!!!!!! Duh. My sister is on the west coast. My mother is dead. His girlfriend is safely tucked away on the mainland. And I realize I am here with him all the time. I have his undivided attention. I have him all to myself. I could fuck him (although I don't want to literally). Figuratively, I can and I am. Freud is rolling over in his grave.

Ta Da! At last Electra triumphs, not just Oedipus, but Electra the more complex female gender comes forth into her long underestimated glory.

And at that moment of "getting it," I realized that I am complete. I need to get the fuck out of here. I'm done. What a great feeling of freedom! The neurotic heart finding it's way home and then back out again. I am set free in that one spurt of shower laughter.